super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
