that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
