That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
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Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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