You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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