You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
