So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
