The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
