and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize