explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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