So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
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