One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I got inside last night via doggy door
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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