My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
