i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
why does every cop we meet know your name?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
