you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
