wrigley field is MILF paradise
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
