And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
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we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
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lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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