Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
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