Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
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I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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