I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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