what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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