That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
