so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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