You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
