is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
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She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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