I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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