is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
