Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Are we in a gay sports bar?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
