he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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