do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
