how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
