Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
