Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
