oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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