and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
