the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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