he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
