You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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