Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
