ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
