I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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