i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Damn victory sex feels great
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
