I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
