you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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