"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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