You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
