I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
