M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
