my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
