Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
