My sheets look like a crime scene.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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