If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
