I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
