I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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